New Book Trailer...

All right, so this is a little cart-before-the-horse situation (seeing as the book is already available), but here's a book trailer for The Zeros and The Man Who Could Not Die.

Did I already say it was available now??



Merry Christmas From Krampus!

Hey gang!

To quote Mavis Staples, Christmas time is here!, and if you're anything like me, there's something to be said about great holiday stories beyond A Christmas Carol or National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (come on, everybody knows two of the best Christmas movies are really DIE HARD and KISS KISS BANG BANG).  Well, resident artist Dean Kotz has teamed up with writer Brian Joines to release holiday themed KRAMPUS #1 for Image Comics, the perfect kind of holiday story (it's an anti-Christmas Christmas tale, how can you go wrong?).

Check it out before it's gone, and keep your eyes peeled for upcoming issues.

Read more about it here, and here, and here, and HERE!

Your Loyal Author,



NOW AVAILABLE: The Zeros and The Man Who Could Not Die!!

Greetings Dear Readers,

Your long waiting and 11 months of patience have finally paid off, as today the first full-length novel in Gil's Grimoire is finally available.

Get It At...
Barnes & Noble

And in about 2 weeks or so, you'll be able to get it on iTunes and Kobo, as well.

Thanks for the patience and I hope you enjoy!  The wheels are still moving, dear readers.

Keep up the faith, keep believing in Zeros, and keep checking back for updates and news.

Your Grateful Author,



Satisfy Your Cravings!!



All right, so editing is pretty much in the can.  Good news, right?

... (silence) ...

I will take that as a yes.

That being said, you are still going to have to wait for The Zeros and The Man Who Could Not Die seeing as we are currently coverless.  However, seeing as I'm sure you are desperate, let me point you in the direction of a little story called Brick Brannigan is Knee-Deep in Peril!, a short novel I put together over the last few weeks that is AVAILABLE NOW!!

If you mosey over to a little site dedicated to the man himself (Brick Brannigan, that is) you will get some more info.

It's a little different, but still well within the ballpark of Gil & the gang (not too serious, not too silly... hopefully Goldilocks' buds would say "just right").

Get it at...


There is also a print copy in the works NOW AVAILABLE... holy smokes!

Grab the print copy on AMAZON or directly from CREATESPACE

At the very least, swing by Brick's site and drop me a line!  And I promise, there is a full-length Zeros novel with your name on it, just around the corner...

All your patience is appreciated.  It's hard out here for an author with a full-time job!

Much Love & Gratitude,

Your Part-Time Author



Good Grief

"What is the delay?!?" you ask?

Well... um.

So the final edits are not yet completely in the can, and the cover is in its final steps.  You can fault me, dear reader, for procrastinating like a champ.  Nothing makes me want to write more than the unending process of editing.

You continuing patience will be rewarded, I promise.  The first chapter was teased at the end of Two Zeros and The Library of Doom! and shortly I will be posting Chapter 2 of The Zeros and The Man Who Could Not Die (entitled "Just Roll With It, Really") for your reading pleasure.

In the meantime, enjoy the first chapter of this zany cliffhanger serial from 1938.  I have been reading a lot of Norvel Page and Lester Dent recently, so it seemed quite appropriate to post a chapter from The Spider's Web based on the Shadow-like pulp hero the Spider (wizard wordsmith Norvel Page wrote 92 Spider novels between 1933 and 1943–yes, you read that right, I said 92).

Anyway, enjoy!  Hopefully, this 31 minute yarn will distract you from the fact that what you've been waiting for has been inexorably delayed!!




Bad, Bad Author...

Deepest apologies, reader.  I have certainly been MIA recently.  Work has been crazy.  Most of my time recently has been spent fixing outlines, polishing the manuscript for The Zeros and The Man Who Could Not Die and hammering away at the still untitled Vol. 2.

Anyway, in the deepest throes of editing and polishing, I added a joke that some may appreciate.  It takes a special kind, and maybe you're that sort:

All right, back to work.  Keep your ears to the ground, dear reader, and remember to check back here for those impending updates.  News will be coming soon, I promise!



Vol. 2 Keeps on Rollin'

So while the as yet Untitled second volume of The Zeros continues (I keep losing my writerman momentum, and currently I'm only about one hundred pages or so in, not too shabby considering what my schedule's been like), we prepare for Vol 1: The Zeros and The Man Who Could Not Die, coming very soon from Penny Dreadful Publications.

Keep on checking back, as we are surely going to make some announcements soon enough.  In the meantime, here's another fun picture to mull over in the time leading up to The Zeros and The Man Who Could Not Die...

Hang tight, dear readers!

And if you haven't yet and would like to, please write a review! Or suggest the free novella to a buddy!

Thank you, and read on, my friends!



What Lies Ahead...

Good Afternoon, dear reader!

Apologies for the long absence, things have been busy here working towards what comes next.  We've gotten some great responses from readers on Two Zeros and The Library of Doom! and I am excited to get The Zeros and The Man Who Could Not Die out there into the world.  Below is a hint as to what the new tale may include (and it's also a nice nod to Marvel's MOON KNIGHT, seeing as this is a panel from a 1985 issue).  Moon Knight is cool, mythology is cool, and I hope you think The Zeros and The Man Who Could Not Die is cool, too (you know, when you read it).  

So, my friends, Gil & Co. will be back soon enough.  Keep checking in.  Same bat time, same bat channel...

Keep checking back......




A big THANK YOU to everyone who helped me get the novella free on Amazon using the magic of price matching.

Get Two Zeros and The Library of Doom! for free on Amazon right now!!  Right now we're in the top 100 in Kindle Humor and Kindle Fantasy.  Let's see how high we can get!

And stay tuned for more news about the gang's upcoming full-length adventure The Zeros and The Man Who Could Not Die, coming soon!!

Thanks for stopping by, dear reader, and stay tuned for more hijinks from Gil & Company...



Do Me a Solid, Dear Reader!

Greetings friends!

Okay, so my great grand brilliant marketing master plan involves using the magic of price matching to get the novella The Two Zeros and The Library of Doom! free on Amazon.


If so... continue reading.  If not... enjoy your evening!

Okay, so if you're still reading, I assume you're interested in helping get the new novella down to $0.00 on the machine.  Here's what you can do for me:

1. Go to the book on Amazon here (and you've gotta be signed in on Amazon to do this next bit)

2. Click on the link that reads "tell us about a lower price" right near where you give feedback.  Here is lovely visual aid #1

...hey, are those arrows big enough for you?

3. Click on the website button thingy, paste the URL from the B&N product page (the URL for this site) where it says 'URL,' put a bunch of ZEROs, and submit! pretty easy.  If you're confused, please reference impeccable visual aid #2:

That's right, friends, with your help we'll get the book listed as free on Amazon and hopefully get some new peeps interested in this strange world.

Thank you, dear readers!

Remember, only you can prevent forest fires get this book listed for free on Amazon!

– Eric (yer author buddy)



Good Job, B&N!

All right, for you NOOK readers (like myself, I must confess), Gil & the Gang are now available from Barnes & Noble for the stunning price of $0.  Nice job Smashwords for getting that in the backdoor fer REAL LOW CHEAP.

Take a peek here if you still haven't read the novella and you prefer your bookstores having four walls and a door...

And to B&N, as John McClane would say:

"Welcome to the party, pal!"



And the Beat Goes On...

All right, I'm getting a lot of great feedback about Two Zeros and The Library of Doom! from all kinds of people, and while I'm still working on spreading word–to say nothing of the currently limited distribution–I can't forget about how this whole mad journey got started: our heroes first full-length novel, The Zeros and The Man Who Could Not Die.    Lest we forget, Library of Doom! was just a short prelude, after all.

I've been giving out a few copies of The Man Who Could Not Die to snipe for typos as I clean up the text, and right now I'm eyeballing April as the time of prospective publication.  Keep your eyes peeled for more news on publication!  I'll also drop a few gag posters for fun.  As a matter of fact, here's a promo poster now...

And again, spread the word about Two Zeros and The Library of Doom!

Thank you, dear reader!



iTunes Store.... And More to Come!

Boy oh boy, the novella is now on ITUNES (for free!).  Gil & Co. are quite the big deal these days.

Unfortunately, Barnes & Noble and the other online retailers are not as efficient when it comes to getting these things up and running online.  When we go live on B&N, like Smashwords the book will also be free.  Hopefully, I'll be able to use the free B&N listing to get Amazon down to $0.00.  Ah, the power of price matching.

Alas, one thing at a time.  Right now I'm waiting for B&N to catch up.  So if you've got your Kindle and really can't wait to read the book but you can't bear the $.99, don't forget you can get it on Smashwords as a MOBI for free as well.

Looking forward to when it's free everywhere!



7 Days in (and more news is here!)

Greetings, dear readers!

Well, officially one week into this wild and crazy adventure and we're still making headway.  Free downloads abound as we prepare to crash the scene at Barnes & Noble, Apple, Kobo, Sony, Diesel, and a handful of public library aggregators.  We've officially entered the Smashwords premium catalogue, meaning you can expect to find Two Zeros and The Library of Doom! in all of the aforementioned digital bookstores very soon.  The ebook marketplace is pretty crazy, but hopefully we'll be readily available on nearly every platform within the next week or thereabouts.

If you've read Two Zeros and The Library of Doom!, tell a friend!  Or better yet, write a review at AMAZON or GOODREADS or SMASHWORDS to help spread the word!  It's tough out there for shameless self-published self-promoters (worse yet for shameless self-published self-promoters with some ethics! no reviews from the fam, unfortunately), and a kind word is always greatly appreciated!

Speaking of support, while you're on Amazon or Smashwords, take a look at a few of the other self-published works you find.  I've snagged a few that have really surprised me.  There is a plethora of interesting literature just waiting to be read.

Okay, that's enough jibber jabber from me.  I gotta get back to editing The Zeros and The Man Who Could Not Die (or better yet, procrastinating and reading back issues of Marvel's Conan The Barbarian comic).  Thanks for stopping by, and good reading, my friends!



Gil & Friends are Everywhere!

Well, the official publication date was January 16, 2013, and in the four days that followed there has been a wonderful wave of interest and support from family, friends, and curious readers alike.

Two Zeros and The Library of Doom! is currently available on Amazon and Smashwords (soon, oh so soon it will be available on Barnes & Noble and hopefully Apple).

But don't forget to find Gil & Co. in other places too, like GOODREADS and FACEBOOK.  Hell, the old guy's even on TWITTER (he has trouble with computers; it's a work in progress).  Find us and follow us for up to date info about what comes next.  Show your support for the Zeros!

Big things are to come.  You know, like the full novel: The Zeros and The Man Who Could Not Die, coming soon from Penny Dreadful Publications!

Stay tuned, dear readers, this is a mighty exciting time.

It's time to believe in Zeros...




Two Zeros and The Library of Doom! is officially out there in the great big wide world.  For you Kindle peeps chomping at the bit, the new novella is currently available at AMAZON right now for $.99.

For everybody else, I'm currently embroiled in some Smashwords minutiae, waiting to get authorized for full their distribution (which will unfortunately take some time), but luckily ePubs, PDFs, and free MOBIs are available at SMASHWORDS right now.

What are you waiting for??  Get on yer horse and git over there, pardner!




Two Zeros and The Library of Doom! is coming out soon.  Final proofing is nearly complete and ebook formatting has commenced.  Keep an eye out for big release news!

While you wait, here's Chapter 1: This Place is Empty to whet your appetite!

Keep on clickin' to read it!
* * *

CHAPTER 1: This Place is Empty 

Gil was the first through the hulking behemoth of a front door; it swung open with a groan that sounded like an elephant sighing. Huge brass lion’s heads were mounted at the center of each door, iron rings dangling from their mouths. “Big knockers,” Gil chuckled.
Wait a second and let me explain, begging your pardon on behalf of my boss–a man who’s actually come to be a good friend. The first thing you need to understand is that Gil Abercrombie can’t help himself. Exuberantly youthful billionaire, monster hunter, action figure collector, comic book reader, lego builder–and yeah, I did say monster hunter. Quite a combo to bring together in the package of a fifty-something old guy with a bushy mustache. He’s a grown man, or so his AARP card claims.
My name is Dylan, former police officer, soldier, and private security specialist. I’m good with my hands, guns, and knives. Recently I’ve been forced to add swords, maces, pikes, axes, and even the quarterstaff to my already respectable skill set. It was just such a skill set that got me hired not long ago by Gil as his new heavy. Essentially, I drive the car, cook the meals, offer the more grounded reader’s perspective, and try to keep my new friends safe. Along with Gil’s partner, Alistair Finch, we make up what we affectionately refer to as the Zeros: three guys worth nothing to no one (except each other and our portfolio manager–in Gil’s case, at least). A bit dramatic, perhaps, but true enough. Anyway, we get in scrapes with monsters and nasties of all kinds. Gil would say we’re heroes. At first, I thought it was a little weird. I’m okay with it now. Gil’s the heart, Finch is the brain, and I’m the guy that breaks stuff. Anyway, back to the big scary house and our tale that is already in progress.
Built from faded red bricks and covered with ivy that looked more like veins on a weightlifter’s forearm, the mansion and one time sanatorium was called Callowleigh, and its history since being shut down by the state was more sordid than its current state of disrepair.
“Any thought you had to using magic in this dump, you better shelve it right now, big man. I’m getting all kinds of weird feelings in here,” Gil said, pulling wide tangles of spiderwebs out of the air.
Ahh, yes, magic. Let’s just say that magic and I were reluctant bedfellows, currently embroiled in a bit of a love/hate relationship. I don’t want to talk about it. “No magic, huh? I can live with that,” I said, stepping into the foyer behind Gil and giving the huge door a push, letting it shut behind me with a puff of stale air. “I’d be afraid the place would come down around us if we tried.”
“Probably would,” Gil said. “If the roof comes down, catch it before it hits me in the head, would ya, big man?” From inside his coat–a plaid professor’s jacket with elbow patches and a button on his lapel that read “BAZINGA!”–Gil pulled a pipe and slipped it into his mouth. He tamped down the tobacco, his coat opening to reveal an Iron Maiden t-shirt beneath. A match snapped lit, opening a small halo of light in the dark foyer before it disappeared into the bell of the pipe. Foul clouds of smoke rose into the air moments later.
The room was massive, leading off to at least a half-dozen halls on our left and right. From what I could see, the place still looked fully furnished; a few old-fashioned chaise lounges decorated the open entryway, plush oriental carpeting beneath our feet, thick with dust and dirt accumulated over years of neglect. The most impressive part of the room, however, lay dead ahead of us.
“Holy moly,” Gil said.
A grand staircase, crimson-carpeted and at least fifteen feet wide, rose up before us, leading toward what looked to be a mezzanine. My eyes followed up upward to a broad stained-glass window that overlooked the entire room. A crash of lightning outside illuminated the brightly colored mosaic: an image of Christ on the cross at Golgotha.
“That’s… dramatic,” I muttered. Thunder rumbled in agreement.
“Dramatic? It’s freakin’ scary to see that thing when you first walk in. A gigantic crucifixion scene? Welcome to Callowleigh, enjoy some tea and ritual execution while you recover from surgery.”
Callowleigh, previously known as the Callowleigh Retreat for Surgical Recovery and Recuperation, was our new job. More specifically, finding the missing caretaker was our new job. The Zeros had been hired by a business partner and on-again-off-again client Eleanor Robbes-Grillet, Callowleigh being just one of about a million properties in and around Philadelphia she owned. In this case, the grand old mansion retreat was more than a few miles out from the Pennsylvania Turnpike, nestled into the quiet Amish country of Lancaster County.
“Let’s find this guy and get out of here,” I said, my voice a whisper. I swallowed, I little more frightened than I should have been. Whatever, I’d seen enough already to know that big dark houses look scary for a reason. Thunder rumbled again.
“You wanna get out of here? I’m ready to kill to get out of here. There’s a Hercules: The Legendary Journey marathon that starts at ten. Let me tell you, big man, I plan on being there when it happens. We’re probably gonna find this old-timer reading back issues of Reader’s Digest in the bathroom.”
Gil took the first step of the grand staircase, the wood beneath the matted carpeting creaking. I gave him a minute, looking around the room and trying not to make eye contact with giant Roman soldier or giant Saint Peter.
The sound of rumbling thunder almost masked another sound that shuddered behind me. It sounded like the shaking and creaking of metal parts, like loose gears or hinges. I turned to look over my shoulder, freezing as I saw a blur of motion in one of the darkened hallways.
“Hold on,” I said. From beneath my own coat, I pulled a heavy Maglite flashlight and clicked it on, passing the beam of clear white light over the wall on the eastern face of the room.
“What is it, you see something? Hey you got a flashlight? That’s not fair.” Gil muttered, his voice uneasy.
“You know, for a billionaire, you are sorely lacking in supplies.”
“What do you mean? I brought my Gameboy.”
The wall was covered with a sick green wallpaper that had nebulous shapes on it like rotten paisleys. Over certain stretches of wall, the green paper was torn and hanging in tattered strips. A few dark splotches stained the wood beneath the ripped paper. Large, framed pictures or paintings hung at uneven intervals, each covered with a dusty drop cloth. Something about the jagged rips looked like more than random tears to my eyes.
“Are those…?”
“No,” Gil said firmly. “No, no, no. I don’t want to say that. Not yet. Absolutely not. Those are not... claw marks. They can’t be. Hercules, remember? Ten o’clock? When I agreed to do this job for Eleanor, it was because it was easy. This caretaker guy’s phone is broken and he doesn’t know it. That’s why he’s been out of touch. We’re here to fix his phone and go home. Easy as pie.”
“You did give Finch the night off,” I said.
“He’s got a date for the first time in like two hundred years, so yeah I gave him the night off. This isn’t supposed to be super bad, remember?” he said. I couldn’t tell if he was convincing me or himself. “This is going to be easy. Our first easy job after almost getting killed by that nutball djinn and the–”
The sound of rattling chain again, silencing Gil. He took a step down towards me. “Did you hear it that time?” I asked.
He moaned. “Uh huh.”
I moved the beam of the flashlight further down the wall, the broad circle of light eventually coming to rest on a darkened doorway that I’d originally taken to be a hallway. It was no hall. Instead of a door, the accordion gate of an old elevator barred the entryway. A long chain wound around the gate and looped through holes drilled in the door jamb, holding the gate shut. On the other side of the gate was an empty space. The elevator car was missing, revealing only the black shaft.
As we watched, the chain shuddered again, the gate rattling against the chains that bound it shut, as if unseen hands worked to pull it open.
“Whoa, buddy!” Gil said, pulling his pipe from his mouth and taking a step closer to me at the same time that I took a step back. We collided, and I almost knocked him over. He closed a hand on my arm and peered over it, eyes wide.
“What’s going on, Boss?” I asked.
“I have no idea,” he said.
“Do you want to get out of here? Get some reinforcements? Come back?”
From Gil, I heard a long silence. All around us, the room seemed to be slowly coming to life, sounds beginning to arise from every dark corner. The rattling of chains was only the beginning of it.
At this point–regardless of the fact that I’d only worked with Gil for a couple of weeks–I understood the calculations that were spiraling through his mind as we stood in the center of the mansion foyer. There was a man somewhere in this mansion, an old man, all alone. The old caretaker’s name was Edward Dawkins, and he worked as a novice in restoration of historic landmarks. I’d read a little about Callowleigh before we’d come, hoping that the evil that once had such a grip on this grand old place had left it. Either way, the man had a lot of hard work ahead of him. Dawkins had volunteered for the position five weeks earlier, and he made his small salary watching over the terrible structure with its wicked past because no one else–more experience or otherwise–would. With his care and guidance, hopefully something good could come of this place for a change. Without a person who cared, whatever evil that called Callowleigh home would only fester. Gil sighed. Without us, the odds were that this Mr. Dawkins would never step out of Callowleigh alive.
“Boss?” I asked.
“No turning back,” he said. He wouldn’t, not when an innocent man’s life was at stake. I knew he’d say it, and I was okay with it.
“Press on?”
“Press on, big man. It’s been a while since I’ve been in a spooky place like this dump, but oh well, we’ll find our way. Just stay close, ya hear?”
“You got it.” I turned my light away from the elevator shaft, ignoring the rattling of chains and the whispers that seemed to come up the shaft from below.
It wasn’t so hard to ignore those sounds. It was harder to ignore the sounds of countless footsteps on the floors above. Or the squeak of a rusted wheelchair axle turning. Or the distant sounds of laughter.
Together, Gil and I climbed the stairs.



The Beginning is Near!

Deep in the final throes of proofing, Two Zeros and The Library of Doom! is very nearly complete. Stay tuned for a concrete release date!

Please enjoy this promotional poster while you wait...